The Stale Prince: Will Smith's album "Based on a True Story."

 

While the album might not slap, Will Smith certainly does.

The best thing I can say about Smith’s new album is the music is neither noteworthy nor objectionable. Being rich affords Smith the ability to buy decent beats. Additionally, the many guest singers are generally appreciated, as they provide a respite until Smith starts rapping again. 

A couple of Smith’s previous hits had him on the soundtracks of his own movies to hype himself, using the movie titles in the choruses. If they are good, it is probably because he took an already popular old hit and changed and added words. 

He stopped that 20 years ago. Why return to music? Because he is doing PR work for the Will Smith brand. It’s a family business. 

The album's existence and its substance is a vanity project.

“Whole world against me and it ain't even bothering me." We will see just how easily Smith can let things go.

“Living in a world that attacks us. We stay centered with our hearts on axis.” If we learn one thing, it is Smith’s extremes. 

He’s either the self-pitying martyr:

 "Fame can bе steep," "feeling cursed," been through Hell on Earth.

 Or delusionally self-aggrandizing:

“I'm a icon, somebody you could base your life on.” “I manifest through my mentality, the only real is my reality” (this might explain everything).

Or both.

Though he may no longer be able to make a No. 1 hit, he now brags he's "number one on the hit list.” “They tried to bleed Will Smith." But even that was a gift. If he has flaws, they are beautiful. 

The slap? "Why did he do it?" Only to be relatable: “see, I'm only human.”

For a truly compelling, contradictory psyche, look to wife Jada’s self-confessed true soul mate Tupac (“Me Against the World”).

Atypically, modestly assessing himself, mathematician is one occupation Smith doesn’t claim (Computationally he’s not even the fourth best rapper from Philly: Black Thought reigns supreme). 

He flatters his listeners, each is “the one in a million, billion.” Although the math might not be so far off, as it was reported during its debut week the album had a mere 36 digital downloads and 268 copies sold.

He’s “questionin', lookin' for answers" and finally we do get some good ones.  Why is he held ransom by his ego? Why is he controlled by fear? His conclusion: life is the thing that can "get ugly" and anyway who cares because, he, the movie star, is "handsome." With this he is qualified to give us spiritual advice.

One hopes there exists no one who would mistake Smith for a sage, but it is the sad truth, if not him specifically, his celebrity ilk and their self-centered, vaguely feel good, yet vindictive message have been the long dominant U.S. pop-spirituality.

Smith is only even-keeled when he is spouting innocuous cliches. They are only of note when they become ridiculous.

“Nobody said it be easy. But why, it used to be easy.”

“Oh, I'm like Confucius, life is confusing.”

He even has the "key to life:" “Life gon' keep lifin'”and the reason "light gon' keep lightin'" is cause "knives gon' keep knifin.'”

He makes it “look so easy” indeed. Like a child (who he also blames for his "tantrums").

“Every moment is an opportunity.” “Embrace the journey.” There's night and then there's daytime and there’s different types of weather than just rain.

He doesn't write rhymes, he writes stolen slogans for throw pillows. 

Yet Smith assures he "will not sugarcoat..with bubblegum." He means, I think, not dark revelation, but an admission he won’t make the radio anymore.

"Jokers" mistake him and his music for "sweet." It isn't. It's medicine. Also, Arizona aerosol (my personal favorite imagery). Is Smith admitting he's hazardous waste in an already dangerously polluted environment? He probably likes to think of himself as the mist over the Grand Canyon. It's hazy. 

Long ago Smith was famously disparaged by a much more verbally dexterous peer for not cursing in order to sell records. Now he has randomly started swearing 40 years into his career, while also, strangely enough, trying to act like a spirit guide guru. 

I think these contradictions are related. Is it because the famously inoffensive entertainer, after having publicly gone on a foul tirade, is now trying to make his vulgarities sound harmless and his anger and megalomania seem holy?

He has really promoted himself from a mere self-anointed prince. 

He's going to lead us "to the peace" and “what I see:...the surprises, the energy.” Still, again those nebulous bastards tried to censor him. So he made an album to voice just how he’s voiceless.

For Smith his “holy trinity” is "my life, my love, my laugh” (Here's the needlepoint again).

“I believe in me like it's religion, but I am the only one who converts.” True, he didn’t win me over.

Not coincidentally, Smith doesn't name specific rappers and challenge them to a musical battle. We all know he would lose terribly. He just wants to vaguely claim that he's the best, without having to back it up.  Still his “head's heavy” because he’s “a king, no denying this.”

Son Jaden offers us the crucial insight that he's painting in the dark. This seems an apt description of the mess that is this album. 

Their family is business and business is life and their life isn't our business, unless it's good for their business. 

To get a real sense of the project and the man’s thinking I recommend “Int. Barbershop- Day.” 

In the video he dresses up as different characters and does nearly all of their voices, arguing with himself over whether he is delusional. Is he raising a dysfunctional family, while forcing listeners life lessons because he's convinced he’s more evolved than us? Does he have bad hair? How rich is rich? How big is his pool? Some of these questions are much more important than others. He is trying to confuse us, but I think we get our answers. At least indirectly.

He has gone beyond using the feverish third person. Smith is now his own hype man sycophant too.

Theres a cool, normal Smith looking character who confidently says he’s not a bad parent and, like corporate financial criminals, he’s too big to face normal consequences. 

Then in drag: “he rich, funny, and sexy too,” if one asks if he is annoyingly smug. 

Even when portraying a supposed critic, Smith can't help himself--he's rich and has made a classic album. While the butt kisser character he embodies brags he’s “Jay-z +”and the greatest of all time. (Unless he is speaking of traditional laugh track family sitcom comics rapping their own theme songs, this is insane).

As a cross-eyed kid in a novelty propeller hat sucking on a lollipop, he says he had to return his Oscar. In real life Smith almost pleaded, "I hope the Oscars will have me back."  Now revisionist and one-sided, it has become the sulky-- "he don't need it." 

He also transforms his famous threat, which was enacted with real violence, into a harmless joke, when he says it again as an old man in a Groucho nose and glasses.

At the end, the real Smith shows up, using his real Oscar as a prop, nonchalantly scratching his head with it, and the fat old barber who has voiced most of the pertinent criticisms, instantly turns obsequious and welcomes the star in.

We saw him assault a coworker.  Smith eventually apologized profusely, admitting wrongdoing. But because there were still lasting negative consequences (even though he has since made millions more), he has hired composers to try and absolve himself and complain that people want to “cancel” him.

If you are trying to distract us from the obvious, you need to make better music.

At a glance:

Artist: Will Smith

Release date: March 28, 2025

Length: 14 songs 37:10

Label: Slang

Genre: Hip hop

Will Smith is selling this. It is called "Icon." The t-shirt is $45.